9 LGBT influencers sound off on their biggest queer pet peeves
IMAGE: VICKY LETA/ MASHABLE
Pride Month is a time to celebrate the triumphs of the LGBT community, including the fact thatsame-sex marriage is finally legal in the U.S.
Celebrating progress is needed in any social movement — after all, what’s activism without appreciating the successes of your struggle? But celebration can’t overshadow the work that still needs to be done.
SEE ALSO: LGBT families and allies share their hopes for the future
There are many frustrating, everyday misunderstandings or misconceptions around gender and sexuality that, for LGBT people, indicate the number of remaining barriers to true equality.
To highlight where we need to go from here, we asked nine LGBT influencers to tell us their biggest "queer pet peeves."
Kristin Russo, cofounder of Everyone Is Gay
"One of my biggest queer pet peeves is how artists, musicians or others in the public eye are automatically labeled with their sexuality or gender identity first, and their talent or profession second. Saying things like, ‘lesbian singer-songwriter,’ ‘bisexual soccer star’ or ‘transgender CEO’ is often out of context, unnecessary and damaging."
Andrea Gibson, spoken word poet and activist
"What comes to mind is being hassled by my straight friends because so many of my best friends are my ex-girlfriends. They don't get it, and I remember being insecure about it for a long time until my therapist told me she thinks it's one of the most beautiful things about the queer community. So many of us have lost so much family that when we find our chosen family, we aren't willing to let go.”
Davey Wavey, YouTube personality
“I think my biggest pet peeve is when straight women tell me it's such a waste that I'm gay. A waste is reheated french fries, not that I'm attracted to other men.”
Jose Antonio Vargas, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and founder ofDefine American
IMAGE: CINDY ORD/ GETTY
“My pet peeve is the term ‘coming out.’ I find it an inaccurate way to describe such a personal experience — being honest about who you are isn't about something external. To put it another way, it's a matter of prism: It's only ‘out’ to you [the person someone’s coming out to]. This is my life; I live it. We only ‘come out,’ so to speak, to let people in.”
Cameron Esposito, comedian
"My biggest queer pet peeve is the idea that kids would need to be protected from knowing that queer people exist. We are not a corrupting influence; we are parents and teachers and siblings and friends. Also, queer adults were once queer kids. Little queer kids exist and they deserve to know there are other people out there just like them, all grown-up and living their positive possible future."
Andrew Morrison-Gurza, disability awareness advocate and founder ofDeliciously Disabled
IMAGE: HZD PHOTOGRAPHY
“As a queer person with a disability, my biggest pet peeve is a lack of accessibility in queer spaces. There are so many places where queer people go to be themselves and express their sexuality that I, in my 300-pound wheelchair (or, as I refer to it, my sex toy on wheels), do not have access to. And then, if I do manage to find a club that is accessible, I have to overcome the attitudinal barriers of people not seeing me as sexually viable. They don’t really consider me an option. They think I’m invisible, and they don’t see all the delectable flavors within disability."
Dannielle Owens-Reid, cofounder of Everyone Is Gay and creator ofLesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber
“My biggest *~Queer Pet Peeve~* is definitely people within the community disrespecting someone else's identity. Ignorant phrases like ‘bi now, gay later’ are detrimental to the community at large. You're not only discounting someone's experience and contributing to a negative dialogue, but you're letting everyone around know that you are not a person with which they can be totally open.”
Rea Carey, executive director of the LGBTQ Task Force
IMAGE: SARAH FISHER/ MASHABLE
"The misperception that all LGBTQ people are wealthy, white and live in cities.”
Reise Bernard, cofounder and CEO of Autostraddle.com
“When straight people attempt to demonstrate how down they are with LGBTQ folks by doing the following:
1. Responding to you saying that you are [any identity besides ‘straight’] with something like, ‘Who needs labels anyhow, right?’ or, ‘Isn't all sexuality fluid, really?’ Yes, it's absolutely true that many LGBTQ folks are sexually fluid or dislike labels — but not all of them. Many LGBTQ people have non-fluid sexual orientations and labels they really like. Being down with sexual fluidity or label-free identities doesn't crown you more evolved or ‘with it.’ It just makes you a person who is aware of sexual fluidity and label-free identities.
2. Responding to a celebrity coming out with something like, ‘Who cares? Why does it matter?’ Um, we care and it matters to us! It's so disrespectful of how difficult coming out and living openly can be for so many LGBTQ people, and how desperately we need visibility and role models.”
